I hate to admit it, but I'm always strangely fascinated by astrology. I prefer to think of myself as a logical, dispassionate sort of person, attuned to facts and figures and able to objectively assess a situation.
But sometimes, it's too fun to resist.
And thus I present my
Birth Chart! (Accompanied, of course, by my razor wit in italics.)
This birth chart shows the positions of the planets of Torea The planets in the signs. The position of the planets in the signs of the Zodiac has an influence on the character of the individual and these influences form a large part of the individual psyche.
Sun in ScorpioPhysical energy and courage
(I'd say lethargic and cowardly). Strong passions. Regeneration and improvement. Strong sexual powers.
(Bow-chicka-bow-wow.)Weaknesses: She is suspicious, defiant, extremist: she has a vindictive nature. Can turn violent.
(Watch out: I've got a butter knife.)Moon in SagittariusLikes to throw herself into the unknown and into adventure: she is agile, tough and enthusiastic. Attracted to long voyages, to discover the unknown.
(Okay, you have to admit that's creepy though. Seriously. Big Brother is watching...from the sky.)Weaknesses: takes great risks in throwing herself into the unknown and into adventure. Audacious, bold and rebellious. Unable to stay in one place, is always ready to risk everything to achieve her goal.
Mercury in ScorpioPlays on words, argues, criticizes, jokes, is ironical, mocks. She is crafty and always finds a solution to a problem.
(Man, I sound pretty damn awesome. Also: Ironic? Me? No.)Weaknesses: mocks, derides, disputes, constantly picks a quarrel. A really awkward customer.
Venus in VirgoGives help to sick and old people.
(Err...secret confession: Old people creep me out. I know I should respect them and stuff, but...getting old? Eek.) She is very devoted, does not show emotions
(HAH!): she is prudish and never lets herself go, either through fear of ridicule or through fear of not being loved in return as much as she loves. Always suspects the feelings of others. She is therefore sometimes too undemonstrative, so the other (thinking he is not loved) will leave.
Weaknesses: likes to flirt and provoke. She is perfectly in command of her own feelings, which often lack passion or force. Her love is never for free but must automatically bring a bonus, be it only an intellectual pleasure.
Mars in VirgoEfficiency, deftness, flexibility, diligence but also ingenuousness.
Weaknesses: she can easily boil over and can get angry over a small detail that gets in the way .
Jupiter in SagittariusShe is agreeable, seductive, engaging and generous.
Weaknesses: immoderate taste for sport and games.
(Wait...they really do think I love the sports. They clearly didn't see me when I was a high school cheerleader.)Saturn in ScorpioObservant, self-controlled, unforgiving, tough, methodical, a researcher, an investigator. Lots of courage, self-assurance and can keep her cool.
Weaknesses: makes no concessions or compromises. She can become a fanatic of a creed, a party, work or a religion.
(Hear that, cult leaders?)Uranus in SagittariusShe is shy, delicate but proud, bold and lively.
(I'm such a dainty flower.)Neptune in SagittariusLikes long voyages, things foreign, water.
(Check, check, check.)Pluto in ScorpioGreat sexual activity.
(Are they talking skill or quantity here? And also...how vulgar!)Sign and ascendant: Scorpio ascendant Scorpio
The planets in the houses: The planetary positions in the houses express the facts relative to destiny.
Sun in XIIProfessional success in isolated occupations. Work in laboratories, scientific research, police, information services, hospitals.
(Or sitting in front of a computer all day, correcting grammar.)Moon in IVery sensitive. Fantasizes. She is easily frightened, she is fearful, shy, prudent and emotional.
Mercury in XIIShe has difficulty expressing herself, especially when young. Does not talk much, she does not speak for the sake of it. She works in remote and quiet places. She is discrete and philosophical.
Venus in XHer best years are in the parental home
(HAH!) and also the last years of life.
(How do we know when the last years will come, though?) That said, the rest are not unhappy, but contain certain hurdles. Love can help in professional life, she has a gift for seduction. She likes to entertain: she likes comfort and the attractions of home-life.
Mars in XShe devotes lots of energy to work, which continues till a great age. She is a dedicated worker, not afraid of getting down to it. She improves her living conditions. She can complete long-term tasks. She is easily excitable, gets upset and in the same vein criticizes even herself.
(EVEN herself! Shocking.)Jupiter in IShe is jovial, expansive
(Wait...didn't you just say I'm shy and don't talk a lot?), dynamic, kindly, altruistic. She has good judgement
(misspelling!), is tolerant and likes food. She has a good education and a prosperous life.
Saturn in XIIShe likes quiet and solitude above everything. She looks for work (or can work) alone, without being bothered. She hates chatting
(I don't hate chatting...I just like everything I do to have a purpose), outside noises.
Uranus in IShe is above all independent and original. Sometimes blunt and irritable
(crotchety, even.). Never lets herself be influenced. She does not tolerate any sort of setback. She is ready for adventure, even though it's risky.
Neptune in IIShe develops her "brilliant" but questionable ideas to earn money.
(Yes, for only $49.95, this BacoWave could be yours, yours, yours!)The houses in the signs
Ascendant in ScorpioEmotional life certainly very changeable. Lovers will come and go, and then come back again. Sexuality is very important for her, for her stability.
House II in SagittariusSocial success in one of the professions or in an import/export company
("If someone calls, say this is Vandelay Industries." "And what do you do at Vandelay Industries?" "I'm an importer." "What about exports?" "Okay, okay, I'm an importer-exporter!") dealing regularly with foreign countries.
House III in AquariusShe is always at the forefront of progress. Likes everything that is new, original and ingenious. Likes every new idea, as long as it improves life and naturally is good for everyone. She is happy to travel even at a moment's notice, likes a life full of change and meetings.
House IV in PiscesShe is very susceptible to the mood of those around her. A hard difficult upbringing can mark her for life.
(But who doesn't that apply to?) When a child, has to be protected, given confidence.
House V in AriesFull of initiative. Things are done to the full, with energy, vigor and strength of purpose: It is the same with love life. Children will be hardy and rarely ill.
House VI in TaurusCompletely trusted at work. Knows how to keep a secret and is of irreproachable honesty. Weak point: the throat.
House VII in TaurusMarries for love but also well financially. A peaceful union even if exchange of ideas isn't always smooth.
House VIII in GeminiIf she is a writer, a painter or involved in another of the Arts, and if fame doesn't come when living, then it will come posthumously. Small inheritance from near relations. Take care of the lungs - if a smoker, then it is advisable to stop.
House IX in LeoShe is tolerant, accepts all differences and respects them. She is honest and loyal.
House X in VirgoAll medical, paramedic
(Note: blood kinda creeps me out.) or social work are recommended.
House XI in LibraLooks for friends among "well-placed" people, artists known even regionally, influential people in society, the social or political world, likes high class evenings
(It's all about the swank).
House XII in ScorpioWork in the police field, likes investigating other people's private lives.
Interplanetary aspects: The interplanetary aspects have a strong influence on the character and disposition of the individual and, consequently, on her destiny.
The conjunction aspect is variable and depends above all on the nature of the conjoint planets.
Conjunction Moon - JupiterShe is frank, honest, optimistic and generous. She likes good cooking, her comforts. Her friendships are sincere. She is a worker and knows how to surround herself with the right people: she is appreciated at work.
Conjunction Sun - MercuryShe is intelligent and knows what she wants. Is a good organizer, she likes moving, travel. She likes literature.
Conjunction Jupiter - UranusShe knows what's going on at a glance. She thirsts after knowledge, and is a good organizer. She is very independent, likes her freedom of action, is a non-conformist. She is very agreeable company and is always in demand.
Conjunction Venus - MarsShe is amorous, not a peaceful and calm lover but a passionate one with a strong temperament. She is demonstrative in love, and likes healthy pleasures. She enjoys life to the full.
Conjunction Mercury - AscendantShe is intelligent, with quick and lively reflexes. She is preoccupied by her circle, likes to exchange ideas with her friends, but also with strangers. Of an open nature, she goes out
(Again, conflict -- doesn't one of my moons say I'm shy, or something?) to others.
Sextile Sun - MidheavenShe knows what she wants on the professional level, is aware of her objectives and does everything to achieve them, she will carry out plans to the very end. She has a good job as well as a good reputation
(Tell that to the people I knew in college!).
Conjunction Sun - SaturnShe likes to work alone, quietly. She pays attention to detail, is serious, methodical, patient and can take on long, difficult and delicate tasks, and complete them.
Conjunction Saturn - PlutoShe perseveres, achieves her projects through hard work.
Square Jupiter - MidheavenShe likes to vaunt herself too much, is pretentious. Only one thing interests her: herself - and she brings every conversation around to herself.
(Ouch. That hurts. It kind of reminds me of the time when...) She has highs and lows in her professional life.
Square Venus - NeptuneShe lacks self-confidence and her ideals are not easily to achieve. In love, she is unstable, unfaithful and deceitful. She is easy-going and follows others, she does not take the initiative.
Square Moon - MarsShe is very emotional and is driven to do things by her emotions. She does not think things over or through in a given situation. She is irascible
(Oooh, I forgot how great that word was!) and sometimes violent. Marital disputes.
Sextile Venus - AscendantShe likes everything beautiful, the Arts, balance and harmony. She is amiable and sociable. She likes entertainment and has a loving nature.
Square Uranus - MidheavenShe cannot carry through her plans, schemes to the end.
(Doesn't this contradict some of the shizz?) These are changeable. She lacks forethought, attention. She throws herself into things, more than reacts to them.
So, moral of the story? A bunch of hooey, but a bunch of fun hooey onto which I can project my hopes and fears. Weeeee.
So, on Carol's advice, I went to MyHeritage, which does this face recognition mumbo jumbo and tells you what celebrities you look like.
, you know, a Hollywood starlet. But such is life, I suppose...
