OMG11!!!!1;2!

Mike Tyson is reportedly in talks with Firoz Nadiadwala to star in a Bollywood movie -- and to stimulate interest, he's starring in a music video to promote the very filmi Fool n Final.

Yahoo reports:

"[Tyson said] 'I was, anyway, in that phase when I didn't mind trying out something different ... The script seemed very interesting, with lots of excitement thrown in."
I totally think Hindi script is interesting too. All those curves, at that mysterious line from which all the characters hang! Fascinating! Thrilling!

"Tyson said there are similarities between acting and boxing.

"'In both the fields, in order to survive and triumph, you need focus and to be highly disciplined and determined,' he said."
He failed to add that in the rider for his film, he promised not to bite off Amitabh Bachchan's ear. Unless the producers found it necessary for his character's development.

Intolerance rears its ugly head

I keep hoping these stories will become less frequent, but they just don't: certain parties of the Indian polity appear preternaturally threatened by any divergence from what they presume is the norm, and they're willing to become violent to express their discontent.

Exhibit A: At a high-profile event to raise money for AIDS awareness, Richard Gere hammily kisses Shilpa Shetty on the cheek. News outlets, high on the scent of Bollywood/Hollywood celebrity, print the picture and replay the event ad infinitum.

Rather innocuous; he's not kissing her on the mouth, he's clearly showboating, and it's exactly the sort of overdramatic, I'm-a-hero blockbuster crap that should go unnoticed, or, at worst, ridiculed for being unnecessarily cheesy.

Not so in the delightful subconty; no, Gere is being harangued to tender an apology, people in Mumbai are burning effigies of Shetty (and, apparently in some cases, screaming "Death to Shilpa!"), the BJP insists that "Such a public display is not part of Indian tradition" (what about kisses in Bollywood movies, though?), and the Shiv Sena describes the event as "an attack on India's cultural ethos," and the involved parties are explaining that it was just, you know, a thing that happened, certainly not obscene or meant to harm anyone's sensibilities (on target, misguided, or otherwise)

Exhibit B: Members of the Hindu Rashtra Sena in Mumbai attacked the offices of Star News in protest over their coverage of a Muslim and Hindu girl eloping. An executive editor is injured; the property is damaged, and more than 40 cars are smashed with hammers and iron rods. While the news channel certainly may have "glorified the love story" (what channel doesn't exploit ANY story they see as capable of driving ratings?), I fail to see how this can be construed as "anti-national," as the Hindu Rashtra Sena claims.

There are certainly many people who think these reactions are insane, overwrought, and completely unnecessary, but the fact that the BJP is once again gaining political power (e.g., regaining a simple majority following the Municipal Corporation of Delhi elections earlier this year) is a bit unnerving when they appear to be tacitly (or explicitly) promoting a sort of close-minded provincialism.

I suppose what it comes down to for me is how flummoxingly protectionist people can be about a culture that is persistent, resilient, and vibrant as India's, while at the same time boasting about how strong India is, how it will become the world's next superpower, &c. It seems like simple logic that if India is to influence hundreds of countries across the globe, it will have to witness some things that are a bit "foreign" to its storied history, as well. It happens in the U.S. as well, lest we overlook examples such as (successful) attempts to legislate about the sanctity of marriage between a man and a woman. Am I being too optimistic, assuming that eventually people will come to their senses and acknowledge that, although it might not be the path one individual might choose, another individual still has the right to live his or her life as he or she chooses, sloppy kisses and all?

Hu are you talking about?

Hu Jintao, as imagined by the art department of Outlook magazine, meet Eugene Levy, actor, riband, he of huge eyebrows. Or have you already met?

(I'm just saying, resemblance much? And also, how awesome would it be if Hu Jintao sang songs about terriers and literally had two left feet and danced in circles?)

Maybe Anand Jon is blind?

Alert the paparazzi (S, are you listening?)! PARIS HILTON -- that's right, THE PARIS HILTON -- is coming to Delhi. Where she will likely flash her vagina with impunity (if you read Perez Hilton or Pink is the New Blog or A Socialite's Life, you know what I mean).

She will be in the very country in which I wore an Oxford shirt with only the top button undone and was approached in a market by a total stranger who proceeded to point at my fashion faux pas and, when I did nothing to ameliorate the transgression, buttoned it for me as I tried desperately to shrink into an aisle cluttered with grains and pulses.

Reuters reports: "Hotel heiress is to model for an upmarket American fashion line in India next year despite her music video being banned in the country for being too explicit, a newspaper report said on Monday."
Now, there are several things I found hideous about this story -- first and foremost, the fact that Reuters thinks this is worthy of 300-odd words. But perhaps the most obnoxious is the way in which Paris makes Americans look like ignorant, utter morons when it comes to conceptualizing other countries. Anand Jon, an American designer of Indian descent who ostensibly is providing the reason for Paris' interest in the country, is quoted as saying, "For her, India is the land of exotica and beauty. In response, her response was, 'I finally get to visit the exotic.'"

Yes, the subcontinent is full of nothing but curios and parrots and Oriental rugs. How utterly charming!

Also...she "finally" gets to visit the exotic? She couldn't divert some of that $25 million of hers, or take some time out from making sex tapes, to do it before? Kya nonsense.