Fountain of youth = becoming a religious nut?

National Geographic's November cover story is "The Secret to Living Longer". Sure, we get to see a 100-year-old water skiing, but the most important part of the package is a Venn diagram that shows us all how to live far, far past the age of halter tops and boozing 'til 5 am.

The magazine focuses on three regions where people live significantly longer lives -- Sardinia, Italy; Okinawa, Japan; and Loma Linda, California (where Seventh-Day Adventists "rank among America's longevity all-stars").

Common attributes that preserve them all, sans formaldehyde?

• Don't smoke
• Put family first
• Be active every day
• Keep socially engaged
• Eat fruits, vegetables, and whole grains

If you are an adventist, you also eat nuts and beans, observe the Sabbath, and have faith.

Sardinians drink red wine (in moderation), share the work burden with spouse, and eat pecorino cheese (and other omega-3 foods).

Okinawans keep lifelong friends, eat small portions, and find purpose.

So, what you're saying here is the fact that people tire of me after a few weeks, I live a heathen, purposeless existence, and I force my future spouse to wait on me hand and foot doesn't bode well for my future? Damn.